Your columns often offend me on some level and yet I find myself in wholehearted agreement. It is delightful to be confronted by my own bias and encouraged to truly examine the sacred cows of my (our) generation.
I've recently decided I need a complete change and have enrolled in a Masters of Teaching. Your column serves as a reminder to Educators that children aren't their diagnosis. I hope when I receive my class roster and see an overwhelming amount of flags for various diagnosis and class room accommodations (which is pretty normal these days) I can see the kids for the future Jitterbug dancers they can become.
Thanks for the thoughtful feedback, Lyndi. The best I can hope for is that while I'm offensive, I'm also on the money much of the time!
Congratulations on your career change - after my industry started to collapse, I looked into becoming a teacher but didn't pursue it when I was informed I'd need to go get another degree, despite having a couple of them already (sounds like you were told the same thing). Please do be compassionate to any Aspy student you teach, but think twice about indulging them too much – the world isn't going to change for them, and they will have to leave your classroom and go out into it one day.
Hmm. I 100% came to read this bc DeBoer linked you, I have an Autism diagnosis from childhood and have mixed feelings about how trendy it is now so I said LOOK something I MUST read.
It's interesting you say that not getting a diagnosis was probably more helpful for you, because I always felt the opposite--that having the diagnosis basically meant I was handed a list of weaknesses and I said "oh. Hm. I guess that's true" and then worked on them. Of course, some of them I have not succeeded in changing much. But others I now have people say "oh, you're soooooo good at X social skill" and I laugh because my self-concept still hasn't caught up.
Also, having a diagnosis helped me socially. I didn't have accommodations in school, but once I became an adult and disclosed, people would say "ohhhh so THAT'S what's going on with you" and I told my husband when we first started dating and he's said many times that if he hadn't known going in he's not sure our relationship would have worked out, because he would have misinterpreted my behavior. Our marriage is just shy of 20 years now.
On the other hand, if I had been told that it was IMPOSSIBLE to improve on anything that would be uh different. I don't and have never believed you can will yourself into being a completely different person, but learning social rules wasn't so difficult. Much more difficult is my lower social motivation. I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that socializing has value and I should maybe sometimes actually talk to other humans who aren't my husband or my kids. Otherwise I won't, because I don't want to. I don't have anxiety about it, I just don't often find myself intrinsically motivated to do it. But there are reasons socializing is valuable beyond how rewarding it is in the moment.
And I definitely feel that the increase in diagnosis has been detrimental. You know what's hilarious? When you're in some online discussion group where everyone claims to be Autistic and you watch them gang up on and ban someone because they were unable to read the room, and obviously they're "using Autism as an excuse" to piss people off. I've seen this play out multiple times, all the self and late-DXed people getting angry at people for not understanding subtext/taking them too literally/not picking up on unstated group norms. And it goes like this "well, I'M Autistic and I understood/don't do X thing that pissed everyone off" says the self-DXer or the person with a really mild presentation, because obviously they speak for everyone. I hate it!
As far as wooden legs go, I feel like that's a case by case thing. I see it with my own kids. One of them thrives under pressure. The more we push, the more she achieves. The other one falls to pieces under pressure. I have to thread the needle of not pushing too much while also encouraging her to step outside of her comfort zone. But I go with the Dr. Ross Greene problem solving approach, and I don't know if you'd include that under accommodations or not, since the intent there is to help them become more functional adults overtime rather than allowing stagnation..
Thanks for providing such thoughtful feedback, Tar, and congratulations on clocking up nearly two decades of marriage. It sounds as if we're basically on the same page – you can't will yourself into being non-autistic, but you can choose whether or not you want to make an effort to meet non-autistics halfway. As noted, while I now realise I'm almost certainly autistic it's still not a big part of my identity. But if it is the case that people with serious issues are being made to feel uncomfortable in the few spaces specifically designed to cater for them, that's very unfortunate. Thanks for the alerting me to the existence of Dr Greene - as the father of a teen girl and a tween boy, I suspect I could find his 'problem-solving approach' useful!
Firstly happy 100th edition, what a milestone. Secondly, amazing article - this one goes straight to the proverbial pool room. Thirdly, it's not just a one-way dialogue, I'm here listening too. See you soon! Xx
First, thanks very much for your ongoing support - hopefully I shall be able to reciprocate by offering some equivalent support for your own upcoming writerly triumph.
Second, thanks for your kind feedback, I really agonised over whether to write this one.
Third, it is mainly is a one-way dialogue, but you are one of the few people I've always allowed to get a few words in edgeways, first in meatspace and now in cyberspace!
Hi Nigel,
Your columns often offend me on some level and yet I find myself in wholehearted agreement. It is delightful to be confronted by my own bias and encouraged to truly examine the sacred cows of my (our) generation.
I've recently decided I need a complete change and have enrolled in a Masters of Teaching. Your column serves as a reminder to Educators that children aren't their diagnosis. I hope when I receive my class roster and see an overwhelming amount of flags for various diagnosis and class room accommodations (which is pretty normal these days) I can see the kids for the future Jitterbug dancers they can become.
Thanks for the thoughtful feedback, Lyndi. The best I can hope for is that while I'm offensive, I'm also on the money much of the time!
Congratulations on your career change - after my industry started to collapse, I looked into becoming a teacher but didn't pursue it when I was informed I'd need to go get another degree, despite having a couple of them already (sounds like you were told the same thing). Please do be compassionate to any Aspy student you teach, but think twice about indulging them too much – the world isn't going to change for them, and they will have to leave your classroom and go out into it one day.
Hmm. I 100% came to read this bc DeBoer linked you, I have an Autism diagnosis from childhood and have mixed feelings about how trendy it is now so I said LOOK something I MUST read.
It's interesting you say that not getting a diagnosis was probably more helpful for you, because I always felt the opposite--that having the diagnosis basically meant I was handed a list of weaknesses and I said "oh. Hm. I guess that's true" and then worked on them. Of course, some of them I have not succeeded in changing much. But others I now have people say "oh, you're soooooo good at X social skill" and I laugh because my self-concept still hasn't caught up.
Also, having a diagnosis helped me socially. I didn't have accommodations in school, but once I became an adult and disclosed, people would say "ohhhh so THAT'S what's going on with you" and I told my husband when we first started dating and he's said many times that if he hadn't known going in he's not sure our relationship would have worked out, because he would have misinterpreted my behavior. Our marriage is just shy of 20 years now.
On the other hand, if I had been told that it was IMPOSSIBLE to improve on anything that would be uh different. I don't and have never believed you can will yourself into being a completely different person, but learning social rules wasn't so difficult. Much more difficult is my lower social motivation. I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that socializing has value and I should maybe sometimes actually talk to other humans who aren't my husband or my kids. Otherwise I won't, because I don't want to. I don't have anxiety about it, I just don't often find myself intrinsically motivated to do it. But there are reasons socializing is valuable beyond how rewarding it is in the moment.
And I definitely feel that the increase in diagnosis has been detrimental. You know what's hilarious? When you're in some online discussion group where everyone claims to be Autistic and you watch them gang up on and ban someone because they were unable to read the room, and obviously they're "using Autism as an excuse" to piss people off. I've seen this play out multiple times, all the self and late-DXed people getting angry at people for not understanding subtext/taking them too literally/not picking up on unstated group norms. And it goes like this "well, I'M Autistic and I understood/don't do X thing that pissed everyone off" says the self-DXer or the person with a really mild presentation, because obviously they speak for everyone. I hate it!
As far as wooden legs go, I feel like that's a case by case thing. I see it with my own kids. One of them thrives under pressure. The more we push, the more she achieves. The other one falls to pieces under pressure. I have to thread the needle of not pushing too much while also encouraging her to step outside of her comfort zone. But I go with the Dr. Ross Greene problem solving approach, and I don't know if you'd include that under accommodations or not, since the intent there is to help them become more functional adults overtime rather than allowing stagnation..
Thanks for providing such thoughtful feedback, Tar, and congratulations on clocking up nearly two decades of marriage. It sounds as if we're basically on the same page – you can't will yourself into being non-autistic, but you can choose whether or not you want to make an effort to meet non-autistics halfway. As noted, while I now realise I'm almost certainly autistic it's still not a big part of my identity. But if it is the case that people with serious issues are being made to feel uncomfortable in the few spaces specifically designed to cater for them, that's very unfortunate. Thanks for the alerting me to the existence of Dr Greene - as the father of a teen girl and a tween boy, I suspect I could find his 'problem-solving approach' useful!
Firstly happy 100th edition, what a milestone. Secondly, amazing article - this one goes straight to the proverbial pool room. Thirdly, it's not just a one-way dialogue, I'm here listening too. See you soon! Xx
First, thanks very much for your ongoing support - hopefully I shall be able to reciprocate by offering some equivalent support for your own upcoming writerly triumph.
Second, thanks for your kind feedback, I really agonised over whether to write this one.
Third, it is mainly is a one-way dialogue, but you are one of the few people I've always allowed to get a few words in edgeways, first in meatspace and now in cyberspace!